How To Navigate a Flight Delay

I think the biggest takeaway from the government shutdown’s impact on aviation was the yawn factor.

If anything, the whole debacle was a vivid display of a massive shrugging of the shoulders by a general public that expects nothing but sheer incompetence from its leaders and even worse from the air transportation system.

A few years ago, the coldly calculated way in which this thing played out in the end would have created a huge uproar. These days, people head to the airport hoping for the best and most have a Plan B when they almost inevitably are delayed or their flight is canceled. They are much more savvy about their options once they’re through security and pack extra snacks. And that’s when there isn’t a shutdown.

And I think that has rubbed off on the gate agents especially. There’s simply no point trying to get hold of anyone by phone when things go awry so the gate agent is your guardian angel, in my experience.

First things first. Even if airline stupidity has reached heights you never thought possible, if the birthday party has already started and you’re still in the departure gate, if your last meal was a brick of mystery meat between two wooden slabs of century-old white bread and the guy sitting beside you is emitting gas like Old Faithful, take a breath anyway. Go to the bathroom (always a good call, anyway) and splash some water in your face and practice smiling and being cheerful, helpful even. This is the demeanor you must take to that all-powerful person with the clipboard.

On bad days, airline employees are having about as much fun as you are. The majority of those over whom they wield immense power are polite or at least indifferent, but there are some whose inflated sense of self-importance gets the better of them. You’ll never get anything out of a gate agent by demanding it, except a seat by the toilet on the flight they finally book you on.

So pat that moneymaker dry, run a comb through your hair, and pop a Tic Tac to discover just how much help that agent can be if you can be a little flexible and, most importantly, nice about it.

My best recent example was that confluence of evils that plagues O’Hare from time to time. I love O’Hare. It is the most efficient and well-run airport in the world in my opinion once you learn its little quirks. Get used to the train. It, too, may be your salvation.

On this day, a band of thunderstorms was competing with controller shortages to wipe the smiles from faces on both sides of the clipboard. In one of those quirks of modern travel, my flight to Kelowna (about 200 miles inland from Vancouver) had me headed east 700 miles to Toronto before backtracking a total of almost 2,000 miles to Kelowna. As the clouds rolled in, my phone lit up with regular, increasingly depressing news about my first leg. After about a half-hour of incessant dinging from my phone, my connecting flight in Toronto evaporated. If I continued to Canada’s largest city, I would be spending the night before taking an early-morning flight west.

I couldn’t help but notice that the gate next to my Toronto flight was getting ready to board for Vancouver. Screwing up my happiest happy face, I politely inquired if there might be a seat for me there. Lo and behold there was one left, but it wouldn’t get to Vancouver until after the only connecting flight to Kelowna with a seat was due to leave. I know Vancouver better than I do Toronto, so I asked if they would please book me there and I would take my chances. The agent seemed to like my devil-may-care attitude and went personally down to the baggage holding area to retag my bag. It made me feel oddly special.

I profusely thanked all the folks at Gate 81 and polished up those pearly whites for the gang at Gate 80. They looked at the hastily stapled boarding pass and bag check combination and it drew some curt nods. While those at 81 had solved a problem, 80 had inherited it. Nevertheless, all went smoothly and when I presented the documents that I’d already previously shown them the nice agent from next door came over and snatched them away. The connecting flight from Vancouver to Kelowna was delayed, meaning an on-time departure of the flight from Chicago would get me to Vancouver in time for me to O.J. it through the Vancouver terminal to reach the regional gates at the opposite end of the terminal. Agent 81 had already retagged my bag to get on that flight. Angels walk among us.

At that very moment, a shaft of sunlight appeared and the line moved. Ours was among the first flights to push back after the weather stop and we were number two for takeoff. Customs in Vancouver was nearly empty, my sprint to the regional gates didn’t cause the heart attack everyone seems to think I’m on the verge of getting, and I had five minutes to spare for the Dash 8 dash over the Coast Mountains to our bucolic little valley.

The upshot was that because of a series of flight delays I was home more than two hours earlier than if my other itinerary had worked out.

So, by all means pack extra underwear and socks, but you may not need them if you can help those who really do want to help you get you on your way. It’ll put a smile on your face.